Acne. Ive always been conscious of it but these past few months my skin has been breaking out like crazy and ive been terribly insecure about it.
Im not one to be vocal about my insecurity but this time I wasn’t hiding it.
“i feel so ugly right now. I mean look at it, its sooo bad”
My brother Raphael replied “Lusi, if your appearance determines whether you’re ugly or not then you’ve got a bigger issue” . Speechless.
Wow, i thought, how true is that. If my identity is determined by my appearance than i have a complete misview of who i am.
How do i see myself?
What is my identity?
That caused me to reassess my thoughts, ideas and pattern of thinking.
The underlying issue wasn’t acne, it was how i viewed myself.
I’ve been in Psalm 139 and I’ve just been sitting with God on this passage for a while now. And it has not been easy. Its been rather uncomfortable, messy & filled with tears. But always, always enveloped in love.
Im completely broken at the thought that God knitted me in my mother’s womb, He took his time forming my inner most being, every single bone in my body, every feature, every part of my personality, the quirks & weirdness added & then to know that His thoughts about me outnumber the grains of sand!!
I am brought to my knees.
How beautiful & humbling it is to see ourselves from the perspective of God and choosing to believe that we are fearfully and wonderfully made, made in the image of God, that we are the apple of His eye, He sees us and calls us chosen, He knew us before we were born, everypart of our lives has already been written.
It’s like my eyes no longer see things the way i used to and that includes the way i see people. I saw this quote that reads:
“We dont see others the way they are, we see them the way we are”
and there is truth there because ive found that only when i see myself the way God sees me am i able to see others the way He sees them. And when i see others the way God sees them am i able to love on them in the way that honours the One who first loved me.
Along the way i had confused my physical appearance with my identity.
Maybe youre like me or maybe you’re trying to cut out sugar or dairy or gluten to fix the outward appearance. And there is nothing wrong with that but if the outward apperance is the foundation of how you see yourself then you will always be lacking. This i know too well.