in a place..

Haven’t been wanting to share much these days. Not sure if I’m in a place where I should be sharing. I’m constantly changing and I’m not consistent. I don’t want to be sharing something and my actions are not aligning. I’m not only referring to just sharing through writing but also sharing through conversations with others.

Definitely in a place of figuring out who i am.
In a place of experiencing life and then making a choice of whether that’s what I want for myself.
In a place of noticing toxic parts of myself and working to change it.
In a place where I’m practicing being kind to myself.

In a place of unlearning patterns of thoughts, behavior and habits that I had learnt as a defense mechanism to protect my insecurities, my past experiences and trauma.
In a place of learning that the mind is a garden and I choose what grows in it.
In a place of learning that being alone does not mean that I’m lonely.
In a place of learning that God is in everything, He is is not separate from relationships, He is not separate from life.
If I’m choosing Jesus – a life with Him, then He cannot be separate from who I am.

I used to feel like I have to separate my relationship with the Lord with who I am and my opinions. But learning that I’m completely wrong.

God is in everything.

He has to be part of my relationships, part of my conversations, conversations with myself and with others. He has to be part of how I carry myself, how I treat others, how I interact with my family, friends and relatives.
He is the foundation to which I live my life.

Learning that my thoughts and imagination, if not intentional, can turn out to be ultimately destructive.
Learning that as much as I want to relate with others, it is not worth sacrificing who I am just to be liked. I can be disagreeable and that is completely okay.
I do not have to sacrifice myself in the hopes of being part of the crowd.
Just because I’m not part of the crowd does not mean that I’m not worthy.
There is so much growth to be done with the Lord still and alot to be layed down at his feet still. And that can only be done alone with Him – in His presence.

What place are you in and What have you been learning?